Amidst the Chaos

Moving is never an easy thing, and I don’t consider myself very good at it. I grew up and technically lived in the same house until I moved to Denver in 2005. I moved back and forth from BH to L-town every fall and summer, but packing up a dorm room that can fit almost entirely in my Honda isn’t the same as packing up an apartment, or even all the things you acquired and purchased to fill an apartment.

I will admit that the dorm moving days were not very organized and often slightly frantic at times. The whole process did improve over the years, but even now, no matter how organized I feel, no matter how far ahead I try to get, I still feel like a inconvenience to people, feel like I own too much stuff, and wish I could hire professional movers so that I wouldn’t have to feel bad about any of the aforementioned qualms.

The time has come to move again and this time around I hope all my planning will help ease at least some of the stress that will inevitably hit me smack up side the head on moving day. I made a trip to the 5400 two weekends ago and I took a majority of my clothes and shoes. When Trout left yesterday, he left with my kitchen table and chairs, books, bookshelf and my curtains. Some large items that came with me to the apartment will not be coming with me to the 5400. However, even if my entertainment center and couch will have a new home, they still have get out of the apartment down the curving, awkward staircase and out of the building. Every time Abbey and Dan come to visit, Dan takes a good long look at my couch and schemes ways to get it out of my apartment, ways that he hopes are easier than what it took to get it into the apartment. So far, these ideas include sawing it in half, dropping it out of my living room window, and just leaving it in the apartment as a permanent fixture; an apartment improvement.

With moving day less than three weeks away, the apartment is now in a constant state of chaos. Boxes and totes are strewn about my living room, having already made one trip to the 5400, they will soon be filled once again with the remainder of my personal belongings. Until then, they leave my living room cluttered and hard to move around in. The apartment isn’t nearly as empty as I thought it would be, but it will be soon enough. The next three weeks are going to fly by.

When I’m not thinking about how to pack the apartment, my mind immediately starts thinking about my last two weeks at work. I have two almost impossibly huge projects I have to complete before I leave, and when I think about the state of my office, and realize it is more of a disaster than my apartment, I wonder if those two projects will actually be finished before I leave. Everyone at work (well everyone who knows at this point, some people weren’t there on Wednesday when I made the announcement) is very supportive of my decision to leave, which gives me hope that the remainder of my time at YB will not be uncomfortable or awkward. I am very grateful that this is the case and not what I feared it would be, but the fact of the matter is, work both physically and mentally speaking, also in a state of chaos. This project is consuming all of the physical space in the office, and thinking about how to ensure its completion consumes my brain an average of 10 hours a day (during the work week, that is…but then again it bleeds into my evenings and weekends too).

As if that weren’t enough, I’m also applying for jobs in the 5400 on the side. Originally, I was going to wait until after the first of the year to really start job searching, but some opportunities have come my way that I couldn’t just ignore. As a result I’ve submitted my résumé to a couple of nonprofit agencies in the area, and now have a phone interview this coming Tuesday I still need to prepare for. I’ll also hear back from the other agency this week about whether or not I will interview with them, one in which I really need to study up on if I get the interview. Somewhere amongst the chaos I need to find time for this too.

Normally, with the two thousand things going on in two thousand different directions, I would normally be freaking out, with a little hyperventilating thrown in for good measure. This time, however is much, much different. Amongst all the chaos, there is order. The end result of all this far outweighs any current unpleasantness. Work may be crazy and the apartment is, and will remain, in a state of disarray, but all that really doesn’t matter, and almost seems inconsequential. In less than three weeks, I get to be in a place I’ve never been before, but have waited my whole life to find. That’s what matters, and it’s the one thing that’s keeping me calm and focused amidst all the change. I can’t think of a better motivator than that.